Is that what I am?
by KoKo Belle
Summary: Usagi's life isn't as cheery as it seems. She hides part of her life from her friends because she just can't find the words to explain it. R&R. [One Shot]


**Is that what I am?**

"You're mother was right!" Kenji Tsukino yelled at his daughter Usagi.

"But I," Usagi stammered.

"NO! You should have known better. You're almost eighteen, you should start acting like it!"

"But Daddy," tears were beginning to form in her crystal blue eyes.

"Oh go ahead and cry. Usagi use your head and grow up!" Kenji left the room ending the conversation.

Usagi ran out of the room and hid in the bathroom, the one place no one could disturb her. Tears fell freely from her eyes. No one knew how truly bad it was for her. Everyone thought she had a perfect life, free from problems. She did not even tell her closest friends about how her dad acted towards her. She came close once, but found no words that could describe how she felt.

At night, silent tears would fall onto her pillow as she imagined how life would be if things were different. She would fall asleep and imagine really having the perfect life. In the end she would wake up and realize it was only a dream.

Sure her father was civil when others were around. She could almost believe that the way he treated her was not real and they really were happy. But then she would either do something or say something that he did not like and she would hear about that night when no one was around.

Her mother was no help either. She said she understood what was happening and would try to fix it, but it never worked. Usagi would often sit in her room and listen to her parents argue. Whatever her mother said her father would disagree with and say that she is losing her mind and getting old. In fact though, her mother was often right and it was her father that did not remember properly.

Shingo knew nothing of it. He was sheltered from this. Usagi did not want the same thing to happen to him so she rarely left him alone with their father. She in fact promised herself not to move out until Shingo did, so he would never have to deal with their father by himself.

This was hard on Usagi. She always had to put on a cheery face when she was around people so no one would know what was going on. She had no one to talk to about this. She could not even put it into words for herself.

'Just admit that you're a bad kid and a stupid failure,' her mind screamed.

The tears came streaming down her cheeks, "Is that what I am?"

She thought of what her friends might say, how they would answer her.

'You are childish and you're grades aren't the best,' Rei's voice answered.

'No,' it was Ami's voice in her head now. 'You just don't try hard enough.'

'You're not that bad,' Minako would say.

'You should just study a bit more,' Makoto might say.

Doubts still ran through her mind. She heard the front door open and close. Her father must have gone outside since they were the only ones home. She dried her tears and left the bathroom. She went into her room and lay down on her bed.

She was still so upset. She often thought how much better it would be if she were never born. Several options ran through her head. She could stay there and pretend nothing had happened, like she often did.

She could run away and never come back. But what then of Shingo? She would abandon him. She could not just leave him. Maybe she could take him with her. But would he want to leave? He did not know how their father could be.

She could end it forever. If you take away the irritant, you stop the itch. If she was gone then her father might finally be happy not to have klutz for a daughter. She could be free from all pain. It would be so easy. No, she could not make her friends and Shingo live through that. She loved them too much.

The front door opened again interrupting her thoughts. Usagi wiped her eyes. She would not give her father the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She quickly found something to hide her face. The closest thing was a fan. She began to fan herself as her father walked up the stairs.

"Usagi!" He called. "Is it better upstairs? I turned the air on."

"Yes daddy," Usagi called back.

Kenji stopped and went back downstairs. Minutes later the doorbell rang.

"How are you four today?" he asked the visitors.

"We're fine, Mr. Tsukino. How are you?" Minako's voice replied.

"I'm alright. Usagi's upstairs," he led the girls inside.

"Thank you," Ami replied.

Usagi met the girls at the top of the stairs. They noticed her tear stained cheeks, but did not say anything.

"Are you ready yet, Meatball Head?" Rei asked.

"Rei you are so mean," Usagi did not cry though. "Let's go guys."

Makoto looked at Usagi. She seemed so much more mature for some reason.

"Bye Daddy!" Usagi yelled as she left the house with her friends.

'Maybe tomorrow will be better. That's all I can hop for.' Usagi thought to herself as they headed to the mall.

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Sailor Moon. If I did then I'd be rich, but I'm not sadly. So I don't.**

**AN: So what did you think? A little sadder than anything else I had written, but I was sad when I wrote this. **

**Anyway I'm co-writing a fic with Dream Sovereign about the fall of planets of the Silver Alliance. Oddly enough it's called The Fall of the Silver Alliance. We wrote it under the name Daughters of Destiny. Please read that one and review it too. Each chapter is dedicated to one of the planets. You can find it at **

**Please review this too while you're at it. I'd like to know what you think.**

**Love ya all,**

**KoKo Belle**


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